What makes life worth living? JBM features three couples who found light in their darkest hours
In good times and in bad
In which commitment to a cause is a commitment to love, finds Manisha Pande
For a couple glowing in the romance of new-found love, it is peculiar that Laxmi (23) and Alok Dixit (25) will be celebrating their first Valentine’s Day organising a campaign called “Black Rose in Protest of Love”. But then love can take darker, dangerous turns in a country where the emotion comes with a strong sense of entitlement, on the part of the men. The idea is to urge youngsters to give a black rose to those who spurn their love or don’t reciprocate, instead of attacking them with acid.
There is a reason for this. Laxmi was attacked with acid in 2005 when she was 15 by a man who couldn’t take her refusal to marry him. For the next eight years, she ventured out of home only in a ghunghat bearing the devastating scars of the attack, while her attacker roamed free. She lost her father even as she kept up the fight to get justice. Laxmi became the face of Stop Acid Attack Campaign last year when she petitioned Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde to stop the sale of acid in retail stores. Around the same time, she was also beginning to fall for her mentor and her knight in shining armour, Alok.
A former journalist from Kanpur, Alok had dedicated himself to fighting acid violence and helping survivors cope with their struggle for justice. One day, when Laxmi was on her way to the Supreme Court for the hearing on her petition, she asked Alok if he would hug her as gesture of good luck. “He refused saying that he doesn’t hug anyone,” says Laxmi with a laugh, adding that he was standoffish and most girls were scared of him.
Later in the evening, Alok went over to the Stop Acid Attack’s Delhi office where Laxmi was staying and the two talked till early morning. “It was raining that day and Alok had made kahwa for me. Both of us hinted at our love for each other for the first time that night,” says Laxmi. But it was only after a month that Alok proposed formally and declared his love for Laxmi.
The two have been together since then and have made headlines. Alok doesn’t see what the fuss is all about. It is normal for people to see their love story as a great “achievement” for Laxmi to find a man after having her face corroded with acid, but Alok feels he is the lucky one here. “I have always had a fascination for strong women, to have one as a life partner is a boon. I couldn’t ask for more,” he says. Laxmi’s fighter spirit is what attracted him the most, says Alok. “She’s a fast learner and an asset to our campaign. She gives courage to other survivors,” he says.
Most of all, Alok doesn’t have to deal with a girlfriend who nags him about his work. “We share the same passion and vision for ending acid attacks and she understands the demands of working in the social sector,” he says. Laxmi agrees and says their campaign and a complete understanding of each other’s work are the biggest factors that bring them together.
As for marriage, the two believe they don’t need a certificate to live together. Laxmi had a hard time being accepted by her relatives after the attack and she sees no point in inviting them to a wedding party to celebrate her love for Alok. “Our fight is against society — its set notions and its institutions — isn’t marriage also one of them? We don’t feel the need give into it,” she says. Alok says he’d like to organise a convention of like-minded people who feel marriage isn’t the ultimate requirement to live together and be in love.
Through sickness and health…. Yogesh Pawar writes about a gay couple who overcame all odds to stand by each other
If losing my legs to polio as a child was the worst thing that can happen to me, Vishal is the best,” says Ramesh Torne, 25 a resident of Hadapsar near Pune. The couple have been living with each other for the past two years, a fact that hasn’t gone down well with their families. “My family is not happy but they visit once in a while. Vishal on the other hand has had to face a lot of problems and was beaten up by his father and brother who felt he was ruining his life,” says the greengrocer whose partner works as a ticket salesman at a travel agency.
Their small two-room house behind the vegetable kiosk has a wooden table which they use to cook and eat on. “I hacked off its legs and made its height suitable for him to reach from the chair,” says Vishal Maheshwari, 31, who had also kept the small, wall-mounted altar low enough for his partner to reach. And so it is that Ganesh, Gautam Buddha, Dr Babasaheb Ambedkar and Lakshmi are jostling for space on a crowded shelf with garlands and half-burnt agarbattis. A bed which doubles up as a sofa has also been made suitable for Ramesh.
Ramesh’s family has been associated with the vegetable business for several generations. “My father began as a labourer with a vegetable wholesaler at the Pune’s Phule market. The money father got when the small ancestral plot in the village was sold after a family feud helped him buy this small flat. We have a small home and shop nearby, but this is the shop he set up five years ago so that I could be settled.”
Ramesh’s parents run a make-shift grocery store outside their home and his father Hanumant, bent over with age, gets supplies for Ramesh’s shop too. “I wish he would, but he never wants to take money from me. I quietly give some to my mother once in a while. He maybe illiterate, foul-mouthed ill tempered and reek of beedis but he has a heart of gold,” says the son who grew up to jibes of langda (lame), from early childhood. It was also around that time, as a child that he realised that he might have a different sexual orientation.
Ruing the fact that, most people treat the physically challenged as asexual he says bitterly, “I’ve only lost my legs. Everything else is intact and working.” He remembers occasional sex with random people he met. “I wouldn’t mind if they are roughshod or kinky, what I’d hate was the pity,” he says. Vishal rushes forward to calm him, offering him water and rubbing his back.
Vishal, who comes from Rajasthan’s Barmer smiles and starts telling his story, his eyes rarely leaving the floor. “After I flunked Class X exams thrice I had no heart to continue. My father who runs a kabadi shop wanted me to work with him. But his temper and regular insults over my being a drop-out made me look for other work,” he says.
Vishal had a friend who’d hustle passengers from the Swargate state transport bus stand for private operators and joined him. “He was gay, interested in me and introduced me to the thriving gay activity on the bus stand,” he remembers. “I’d go on long journeys to Udaipur, Ahmedabad and Palitana on the buses. The money was good, it brought me a sense of freedom; sexual freedom too.”
While switching jobs he heard of the one at Hadapsar. “All they wanted was for someone to clean the place and sell tickets. I too had had enough of being on the move and took it up,” he says. The duo’s love for crosswords brought the duo together. “Ramesh gets a Marathi paper daily which has several crosswords. I’d borrow it and complete what he hadn’t got till we began comparing notes and solving them together. We’d sit in his room for hours laughing and that’s how we are now together.”
When his father and elder brother found out he had shifted in with Ramesh, they were angry. “They came and beat me up and cursed him for being a bad influence. While many may suspect we are a couple, neighbours who are sympathetic towards Ramesh, ganged up to defend us. My father doesn’t talk to me but my brother keeps asking me to marry and settle down.”
But as far as Ramesh and Vishal are concerned they have settled down.
Till death do us part…
Is love worth dying for? Some believe so, finds Pranab Jyoti Bhuyan
Three days after trying to commit suicide by jumping off Vashi creek bridge, 22-year-old Suraj Ganvir and his 16-year-old beloved, Aradhana (names changed) are now recuperating in a hospital, not too sure how their love life will progress from here on.
The decision to commit suicide seemed spontaneous. Aradhana made her decision just 10 minutes before reaching the bridge. She was tired of her family problems and her studies but she wanted her boyfriend to live as a testimony of their love. Suraj however wasn’t willing to stand by and watch her take her life. After Aradhana jumped off the bridge, he followed her. The duo were saved from drowning by a fisherman who happened to be nearby.
Flashback to a month earlier: Suraj was a happy man when his prospective father-in-law consented to their marriage over the phone advising him to be honest and hard working. He announced the good news to all his friends and family.
Suddenly Suraj’s whole world changed. He began to notice some changes in Aradhana days after he spoke to her father. A studious girl right from her childhood who dreamed of being an advocate, she suddenly started complaining about her studies. She remained aloof. “I know Aradhana for the past several years and we had been in a relationship for the last six months. She is very good in her studies and belongs to a well-off family. Soon I realised the reasons behind her abrupt changes,” says Suraj, who works as a salesman with a private store. “It’s true that financially her family is better off than mine. But that was never a problem between us. Even her father seemed to be happy when I introduced myself to him. All he told me was to wait for a couple of years before we got married as she was still studying,” says Suraj. He is still trying to figure out whether her father was genuine with his feelings or was just trying to be diplomatic.
That morning, he went over to Aradhana’s college intending to take her out on a date. They explored the city without any plan in mind and finally settled down at a café for breakfast.
And then, just like that, his life changed. “Just 10 minutes before we reached that fateful bridge, she told me that she no longer wanted to stay alive. She was tired of her life. I admonished her for thinking like that, but she was stubborn. She asked me to stop the bike. That was the turning point in our lives. I could have driven past the bridge and taken her home in no time. But I love her a lot and have given in to her every wish. My heart did not allow me to go ahead and finally I ended up stopping the bike on the bridge. And within a few seconds she jumped off,” he says.
“Aradhana loves me and wanted to stay with me throughout her life. She would write her name with my name and surname after it, even though we are yet to be married. How could I stop myself after seeing her take such a drastic step. I too decided to end my life and jumped off the bridge. It’s nothing but good luck that saved the both of us,” he says.
Aradhana is however, yet to recover from the trauma. “I know what I did was wrong. But I can’t explain what forced me to take such a drastic step all of a sudden. It’s true that I was not happy with my personal life as my family’s restrictions were proving to be difficult. But to commit suicide was definitely not the solution,” she said.
So does love conquer all? The incident is still too fresh to find out, but watch this space.
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